Application

From the Colonel's Regiment

Applications have been a mainstay of the Colonel's Weekend Breaks ever since Mission 1 Image:22px-Flag_of_France.svg.png Image:Colonel.pngImage:Colonel.png1 Paris. An application, simply defined, is the use of a quote from a film, comedy show or other incident, applied to an every day situation. Applications originated from the words of Alan Partridge (index), but have expanded to cover The Office (index), Blackadder (index), and many more (all). Applications can sometimes be confused with recreations and indeed the line between the two is sometimes a bit fuzzy.

Often, a single application stands out amongst all others for its aptness or ingenuity, and is named by consensus "Application of the Break". An "Application of the Break" is normally very specific to the particular circumstances in which it is employed. A generic application, such as "Touched a nerve there, interesting", is very unlikely to be deemed "Application of the Break". Thus:

In Image:22px-Flag_of_France.svg.png Image:Colonel.pngImage:Colonel.png1 Paris, the Colonel's regiment met Moules on the platform at Le Guichet and David, Steve and Mike greeted him with, "Who's this cool customer? Ice white shoes, ice white socks, Giorgio sweater. It's a look that says, "I'm in Paris and no-one's gonna stop me!'"

In Image:22px-Flag_of_Ireland.svg.png Image:Colonel.png2 Dublin, after Nevans fell ill on a rather bumpy coach ride to Newgrange, David came up with the ingenious "An ASNAC voms on your bus. I mean, no manners, but what a critic!".

In Image:22px-Flag_of_Austria.svg.png Image:Colonel.png4 Salzburg, Chris was performing the soon-to-be-customary Moules on ice routine when the entire regiment joined in a chorus of "Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris! I don't think he's heard us. Chris!"

In Image:22px-Flag_of_Italy.svg.png Image:Colonel.png5 Genoa, David was once again a winner, coming up with "I hate French, the French and Bruce French" at Shaftissimo.

In Image:22px-Flag_of_Germany.svg.png Image:Colonel.png6 Heidelberg, Mike chipped in with, "Have you ever been to see the Grosses Fass? Well, I went down there the first day it opened with 50 of my mates. And the guy at the entrance said, "Oi, no Chinese tourists." I said, "I'm not a Chinese tourist." He said, "Well you should be." I said, "I'm not interested. I'm just interested in making shitloads out of the Grosses Fass" Not to be outdone, David followed this with, "Well, we can't leave the Chinese tourist with the Grosses Fass." "Oh, I'm a Chinese tourist. Thank-you Tim for leaving me with my favourite Fass."

In Image:22px-Flag_of_Norway.svg.png Image:Colonel.png8 Oslo, the regiment was barely even off the plane when someone piped up with "If I have two Colonel's men, and then I add two more Colonel's men, what do I have?" leading to the inevitable exchange, "Some Colonel's men." "Yes...and no. Let's try again shall we? I have two Colonel's men, then I add two more Colonel's men. What does that make?" "A very small mission." "Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?" "Three" "What?" "And that one." "Three and that one. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?" "Oh! Some Colonel's men." This application was made even more memorable by the interruption of the Norwegian bus driver, who recognized that the mother of all applications was going on outside, but would like it if we followed it through more quietly.